In today's society, it has become fairly common for grown children to leave home to pursue different lifestyles and work opportunities. It's also becoming more common for parents to move. During the past decade, the number of people sixty-five and older who moved from one state to another increased by 65%. As a result of all this movement, a growing number of adult sons and daughters are discovering just how hard it is to try to ensure the welfare of aging parents who live hundreds, sometimes thousands, of miles away.
Considering a Move
A quick-fix solution to this problem of distant caregiving might seem to be to have the parents relocate, to bring them nearer to the grown children and their families, perhaps even to have them move in with them. Such a decision should not be made without giving a good deal of thought to the consequences. A move away from familiar people, places, and things can be traumatic for the older person. Further, unless there is sufficient help available, having a parent come to live with the caregiver can be completely disruptive to life's everyday routines and rhythms.Scheduling Visits
Work, family, and financial obligations may make frequent trips to visit your aging parent difficult. Notwithstanding these realities, the importance of paying visits to an aged or ailing parent cannot be stressed too strongly. The less frequently such visits take place, the more extended they ought to be. These visits serve to reconnect with the parent, provide respite for the primary caregiver, and to reassess the situation. Check out whether he/she has adequate food, is taking prescribed medications, can still drive, is having any social interaction, etc.Meals on wheels and Other Resources
Adequate nutrition is a major concern for the frail elderly. Many older people find it difficult to shop for and prepare their own meals. A weaker sense of taste may lead to a diminished interest in food. Memory loss also makes it difficult for aging people to maintain proper nutrition.When visiting, caregivers can assist by stocking the refrigerator and pantry with both ready-made food and non-perishables, such as high-protein nutrition drinks. Besides the social and nutritional benefits of taking your parents out for a restaurant meal, this also provides a way to observe his/her appetite and food choices.
In addition to the social support they provide, adult day care centers can provide your parent with a hot lunch. "Congregate meals" (generally lunches) for anyone over sixty are available at most senior centers, five to seven days a week. Meals on Wheels, found in most communities, will deliver food at low or no cost. Many religious and community organizations also provide food to needy older people.
Investigate the local support network
It's important for the long-distance caregiver to take a look at whatever informal support network exists in the parent's community and to find a trusted observer- a neighbor, minister, friend, or relative- who agrees to look in on the parent, perhaps to run errands or even to provide more intensive care. When you live at a distance, there needs to be some person at the other end whom you feel comfortable phoning or who will agree to call you collect when problems arise. Sometimes, caregivers have been able to work out financial arrangements with neighbors, building superintendents, or local students who agree to run errands or perform various chores to help the older parent manage his or her life.Telephone assurance programs
Telephone assurance programs, usually staffed by volunteers, place calls to frail and disabled persons living alone. If the person who is called doesn't answer at the designated check-in time, the volunteer then places a call to an emergency number provided by the family.Many organizations also participate in friendly visitor programs that provide regular visits to elders who aren't able to get out much. It is possible to link a homebound parent with someone whose interests are similar.
The Geriatric Care Manager
A geriatric care manager is a professional (generally a licensed social worker, psychologist, or nurse) who specializes in assisting older people and their families with long-term care arrangements.A good way to begin a search for a geriatric care manager is to contact the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care managers, an organization based in Tucson, Arizona, for names of members in the area where your parent lives. Elder law attorneys, social workers at hospitals and senior centers, and counselors available through employee assistance programs can also make recommendations.
Once you make contact, check the credentials of the case manager. Ask to see if he's licensed or certified. Find out how if he's available 24 hours a day, how he charges (by the hour or by the project), and whether there are any hidden costs (such as telephone and travel time.) Request references and check with the Better Business Bureau to learn whether complaints have been registered against the company. Finally, trust your instincts. Your ability to trust and communicate with the professional you hire will make you feel more comfortable with managing this difficult situation.
Checklist for Long-distance Caregivers
- Placing calls to check up on the parents and reassure themselves
- Paying visits to the parent as frequently as circumstances permit
- Identifying a trusted observer who will check in with the frail elder
- Networking services and service providers within the parent's community
- Arranging for programs, like Meals on Wheels, to meet the older parent's nutritional requirements
- Taking advantage of family leave opportunities at work if and when necessary
- Utilizing the services of the local Office on Aging
- Signing on with a telephone assurance program
- Enrolling a parent in a friendly visitors program
- Employing a geriatric care manager or elder-law attorney to assess, and assist, in meeting a parent's needs
- Becoming knowledgeable about the parent's illness or disability
- Offering help with financial matters
- Joining a support group
- Serving as a source of support to the parent and to the primary caregiver
In addition, it is always helpful to have the following information about your parents at hand:
- Date of birth
- Social security number
- Medicare or Medicaid number
- Health insurance information
- Lists of any medications they are taking
- Names, addresses, and telephone numbers of doctors, hospitals, and clinics involved in their medical care
- Copies of a living will and power of attorney